So last week, I moved cubicles. I was stationed at a different office, right next to the one I’m SUPPOSED to be working in, but there wasn’t any room for me. Well, now, a few people have retired and low and behold! A new cubicle has opened! A bigger one! So, I grab my stuff, and move merrily on to my new cubicle.
Where I’m NOW stationed, is right behind, what seems like, a medium sized book shelf piled with documents. On the other side of said medium sized book shelf, is the entrance to the Public Information Office, where two Information Specialists will perch themselves, diving the time spent up there amongst everyone, and deal with people that walk in.
I’m not sure if people know this, but there are a lot of very strange people out there. And a lot of them seem to reside in the D.C. Metropolitan Area. And about a handful of them walk into this office on a daily basis.
Since I was sitting in a different office, I wasn’t able to really experience some of the people that walked in. But now that I’m sitting right by the entrance, I can hear the ramblings some of the people go on and on about. And some of them are just….great.
One of the tasks that goes with my job is I give people walkthroughs of our online system either on the phone, or when they walk in. We usually get three breaks through-out the day; a 30-minute morning break, 1-hour lunch break, and a 30-minute afternoon break.
I was on my 30-minute afternoon break, but really, I don’t need 30 minutes. I need just about enough time to go downstairs and smoke a cigarette. On my way back up, there’s a gentleman sitting at one of the front desks, talking to my co-worker Nona*. She asked me “Are you on your break?” to which I replied “I don’t have to be”. It’s always better to look good instead of pick your break over a client.
This man was probably in his mid to late 40′s, and dressed like he owned a very large ranch somewhere. I’m talkin’ rich guy missin’ a cowboy hat. His hair was slicked back, and dyed blonde, and he was probably about 5″6. His suit was orange.
Actually, an easier way to describe him would be to ask anyone if they remembered those wolves from the Looney Toons cartoons? The ones that were part of the mafia usually, and howled at women like Jessica Rabbit? That’s what his suit reminded me of.
Nona points to the gentleman and tells me that he wishes for a walkthrough in person. He takes one look at me, then looks at Nona, and exclaims “I hit the jackpot!”. She giggled. I felt awkward, and nervously giggled myself.
We start walking over to the computer, and we hear him say “I can’t even pay for this kind of help.”
K….
So we sit down, and I tell him politely, and professionally that we will start by creating a user name. He looks at me again, and then asks if I dance. I lied. I said I did not dance. He accused me of lying because “the moment you walked in my eyes popped out of my head”.
I kept on driving. “Put your name here, sir…”
Throughout the entire walkthrough, his comments became more and more frequent. What was worse about it was that at one point the website froze. So we had to start again. Awesome. That much longer to deal with Prince Charming.
He starts telling me about his book. Which, in all honesty, seemed like a very interesting read. His theory and concept was very intriguing, and it actually caught my attention.
He used to be a dancer, and he asked if I knew what the golden ratio was. To which I replied that I didn’t, and he continued to explain to me what that was. After he finished his lecture on the golden ratio, it was on to discuss about how it applies to people and dancers, because of spirals. According to him, or maybe others, nothing can be a spiral unless it was MEANT to be a spiral.
All fair and dandy. If his theory is correct, and if USED correctly, it could help people as they get older in relations to arthritis, joint problems, back problems because you essentially, learn to walk in a way where your body is floating ( I know this sounds pretty bizarre. Believe me.).
If I was drinking water when he told me what else it could help, I would have spit it on him.
“Also, it really enhances the orgasm.”
I’m so glad that you’ve told me that here. At my office. Where I work. As a professional.
