On Thursdays, I have two classes that I have to attend.  One is Language and Gender, and the other is Elementary Spanish.  Unfortunately, that leaves me with one to two hours interval  between the two lectures.  So today, I’ve decided to head on over to the LRC and cruise the internet.

Everything that could have gone wrong today, has!  Obviously, nothing too drastic, just frustrating measures that I’ve had to overcome.  I bought a ticket to London, with only FOUR MINUTES BEFORE MY TRAIN LEFT, and I asked him for a return ticket to Barnes, whilst frantically looking back at the clock as if I was timing myself before I had to pee.  So he gives me the tickets, and off I run to catch the train which is pretty much ready to depart.  I sit down, and listen to music calmly, and rethink about the massive presentation I have to do today.

I finally get to London Euston, and as usual, I climb down the escalator to get the Underground, but alas! the ticket machine stops me.  The damn guy misunderstood me, and thought I just asked to go to London.  So I had to buy an entirely new ticket to get me to Barnes.  How.  Frustrating.

But it’s fine! It’s only six quid.  And on I go my merry way.  Of course though, the tubes stops, the Overground stops, and I finally get to Barnes station 30 minutes before my lecture.  Plenty of time, I know, but still, I wanted to print some documents out for my class so I didn’t have to shuffle back and forth between my book, and my powerpoint presentation.  As simple as it sounds, it turned out to be much more annoying then though.  It costs 6p per copy.  I have 20 slides to my presentation.  Unfortuantely, it would have ended up costing me £11.09 which is money I just do not have.

So, screw that idea, I’m just going to have to shift through the two bits I’ve brought with me.  And it was a mess.  I nearly shit a brick on numerous occasions.

But this has landed me to being in LRC after class.  Being here is fine, it’s not what’s making me feel how I’m feeling.  I decided to go into my inbox and look through some old messages.  I looked through old messages I had with Jeanette, Samantha, and a couple others.  Then I decided to go through my yahoo mail.  I re-organized the folders on my yahoo account ages ago so that it was easier to categorize and place e-mails where they properly belonged, instead of clogging up my inbox.  So I was looking at the folders, and noticed the one and only e-mail I received from my dad.

It’s not much of an e-mail.  It’s very short.  It’s about a paragraph long, but in the end, it’s HIM talking to me.  And it was the only e-mail he ever sent me.  And I love it more than anything.

“hello sweatheart,
 
thanks for getting in touch. i do have a bit of a guilty conciouss for not calling you, but i promise i shall over the next few days. dealing with babcia can be a bit diffucult, but i manage- perhaps the only person in the world that i can do. anyway staying at home was nice, though we did have some arguments with mom. so what else is new? i would love to come to london and bore you for a few minutes, but it might take some time. now, i think i know what you are studying, though i am not sure. journalism might be interesting, but frustating and tough – i have done it for the last thirty years in radio, press, tv and internet  in poland, the us and uk ( bbc world service) so i think i know what i am talking about (believe or not).
the profession seems attractive if you become recognized publically. however very few people make it and the rest are rather frustrated. As regards guatemalan  children – it seems to be a very nobile topic.  lets talk next week. in the meantime – if you need some money call me, not to often though! I undersatnd that ***** **** got in touch with you and also through his mom, your auntie Joanna, returned some funds.
At this stage my advise (while not solicitated) is: stay in touch with the guy, but keep away from him. I am not particurarly fond of him, even if i am his godfather. love you and miss you – from time to time. dad.”

On December 19th, it will be two years since he died.  And Lord knows not a day goes by without me thinking about him.  Granted, he did it to himself, but no young girl wants to go through losing someone they love.  And it will always bother me, and be painful for me to know that he won’t be the one to give me away at my wedding, or that he won’t ask my future husband to “cut in” when he wants to dance with me.  I mean, it’s my dad.  And I miss him.  It’s been nearly two years since his death, and it boggles my mind that so much time has slipped by so quickly.  I have a picture of him in my wallet, and whenever someone asks me who it is chillin’ in the clear, plastic envelope below my credit cards, I proudly say “That’s my daddy”.

He wasn’t always there, true.  He was very much the disciplinarian, true.  But he was MY disciplinarian.  And I am grateful for everything he taught me whilst I was growing up.  So, in a month’s time, when it’s time to say goodbye all over again (or maybe hello again), then I will raise the glass that I’m holding in my hand, look up at the sky, and now that a star was born on December 19th, 2007.